#192 Sun (1/1/2023) - ANDOR - includes [OW] about goals and the new year

 Binged all of ANDOR (season 1) today, the Star Wars series about Cassian ANdor, the protagonist from the Rogue One movie.

Better than The Madalorian (which is still pretty good) because it never tried to be cute. (No children, droids or plush dolls/Baby Yodas). Also, no Force, no Jedis, no magic, no BS. It feels much more like a spy film set during the Nazi occupation of Paris, about the French Resistance, or perhaps Casablanca. 

A significant part of the show (like 3 episodes) is set in a prison after Cassian is imprisoned for 6 years, not for being a major agent of the rebellion, but for being a tourist in the wrong zone without papers.  There are no interrogations, instead he is put to work in a factory making parts for the Death Star. (This is cleverly revealed in the after-credits scene at the end of the finale).

Unlike in Rogue One, nothing got nuked, there were no space battles, there was one big train robbery/heist thing, but nothing too over the top. Lots of muttered conversations, tense moments, fractious meetings, lying, deceit, subterfuge and banality of life under a tyrannical occupation.

My favorite parts early on were when the Corporate Police supervisor explained to the brash young officer how things really are (an object lesson in cynicism).  Later that same officer is reassigned and is introduced to the bureaucratic hellscape of the Ministry of Standards and Measures and is assigned to his new role in fuel purity standards. This is perhaps the first time that the banal/civil service apparatus of Empire is shown without the accordant battleships and Death Stars.  The Empire is largely about labor exploitation and is an economic, rather than a military engine.  

There are also some excellent scenes at the Imperial Security Bureau (something like the CIA/FBI - internal and external intelligence and covert ops). They address very well some of the realpolitik that goes on in bureaucratic institutions, regardless of the perceived importance of their mission; resource hoarding, data scarcity, bottlenecking, bootlicking, jockeying, bloodless coups, etc.  All very well done.  Mature and interesting writing that does not assume this is for children.

-------------------------------------------

[OW] goal setting, the new year and the shadow

I did this in one day because 1) I heard it was exceptionally good and I wanted something that would be satisfying for a long Sunday alone, and 2) because I was afraid I would be bored and lonely and depressed on the first (rainy, gray) day of a new year. On this day, I did a 55 minute workout including some cardio.

I am trying to be focused and productive and confident/optimistic about the future, but I feel that nothing has changed at all, just because we replaced a 2 with a 3.  I am aware and concerned that without a new set of tools, I will revert to old habits.  I am too old for Monk Mode. I know that is not true and that I can use protocols and 'non-negotiables' to try to reinforce desired behavior. I think recording things more and keeping lists will help, especially with workouts, but also with house cleaning, maintenance and health outcomes.  I am going to try to spend a bit more on quality of life, but I also need to be aware that there are vast unfulfilled areas that I do not address because I do not have a name for them.  I need to try to chart this vast hinterland and start naming some of these Shadowlands*. 

Jung called the alternate persona that is created by our repressed desires, The Shadow.  It is always with us and we typically run from/hide from it.  But without facing and integrating it (listening to it) we can never escape depression and anxiety.  The Shadow tells us things we need to know about ourselves, our unmet needs, our unstated desires, our easy to digest fictions and our little lies.

What does my Shadow say?  What am I running from, ignoring, avoiding and forgetting constantly?

That I could be better than this or even perhaps amazing and remarkable, if I wasn't so careful and conservative about myself all the time.  Take no chances, don't try any thing risky, play it safe, don't rock the boat. Going to Japan was the first big, challenging thing I have done since moving to Illinois.  That was 5 years ago. Ever since then, it has been 100% maintenance mode, no new ventures, no major undertakings, no significant changes (except the adoption of Duncan, which in some ways can be seen as a replacement move. I can't even pull the trigger on a new car, always in 'wait and see' mode.

-------------------------------------------------------

*This might be a good name for the project of trying to integrate these into my life and live more fulfilled.  My own exploration of my Shadowlands.  I don't want to be anything like mom, I don't want to sit around the house reading stupid detective novels and playing sudoku when I am 80. But that is a big part of how I fill my time now.